Cry It Out?!

I honestly don't know how anyone can let their child CIO.  I know many people swear by it, and I suppose that's fine for them. I won't go into the details of the Ferber method, or all the research I have read that proves it to be harmful. I'll just say this: hearing my child cry her eyes out breaks my heart, and I can't imagine ever letting her do so as part of a plan to teach her anything. I realize all parents are different, but it just feels so wrong an counter-intuitive to me.  Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution, says it best: "I picked up my cherished baby and held her tightly in my arms. She was too distraught to nurse, too distressed to sleep. I held her and kissed her downy head as her body shook and hiccuped in the aftermath of her sobbing. I thought, “This approach is responding to a child’s needs? This is teaching her that her world is worthy of her faith and trust? This is nurturing?” I decided then and there: they are all wrong. Horribly, intolerably, painfully wrong. I was convinced that this was a simplistic and harsh way to treat another human being, let alone the precious little love of my life. To allow a baby to suffer through pain and fear until she resigns herself to sleep is heartless and, for me, unthinkable."

Last night, after a very long and busy day celebrating Ami's very first Halloween, she was an overtired and overstimulated mess, and it was past her bedtime. I already felt like a bad mother for going against my intuition to skip the last party of the day, but I had really wanted to see some friends and it had been a nice time. However, the drive home was miserable for both of us. She screamed and I cried right along with her. I knew the best thing I could do was just get her home so I could soothe her and get her to sleep, but those 15 minutes and every light being red made me just want to pull over and tend to my poor little angel. Of course, that would only prolong the trip home, and she would likely cry all I over again, so I called KC for moral support. Had he been with me, I would have been able to nurse over her in the backseat while she was strapped in. Perhaps not the safest thing, but to me much better than letting her poor tiny body get so worked up in such an escalated state. But alas, KC wasn't feeling well and he had to sleep before his night shift, so I was on my own. He did his best to soothe me so I wouldn't lose my lid, but it wasn't really working.  Everything in my being was telling me that this was wrong, and I hated that I was putting my baby through any kind of suffering.

Elizabeth Pantley, author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution, wrote exactly how I felt: "I picked up my cherished baby and held her tightly in my arms... I held her and kissed her downy head as her body shook and hiccuped in the aftermath of her sobbing. I thought, “This approach is responding to a child’s needs? This is teaching her that her world is worthy of her faith and trust? This is nurturing?” I decided then and there: they are all wrong. Horribly, intolerably, painfully wrong. I was convinced that this was a simplistic and harsh way to treat another human being, let alone the precious little love of my life. To allow a baby to suffer through pain and fear until she resigns herself to sleep is heartless and, for me, unthinkable."

Ami technically didn't 'Cry it Out,' since she never stopped nor fell asleep, and it was only for a short period of time, but that doesn't change the fact that I felt horrible. My sweet little bean was hurting, and all she knew was that she was alone when she just wanted to be comforted. And I wasn't giving that comfort to her. For that my heart will always ache.

Edit:  This is an AWESOME resource re: CIO.  I completely agree. (And Ami is totally not a 'release-tension by crying' type of baby).  http://www.askmoxie.org/2006/06/babies_and_cio.htmlhttp://www.askmoxie.org/2006/06/babies_and_cio.html